26 years ago today, you traded your life for me. I wish I could remember every single moment I had with you, from the first time you held me. Unfortunately my little baby and toddler memory evades me, so all I have are my grown up memories. I wish I could remember every hug, every laugh, every tear shed.
Mom, I’m so entirely lucky to have had you. There are so so many people out there that will never feel anything remotely comparable to the bond that we shared, and for that I feel blessed. You were my entire world, my everything, and I’m so glad that we voiced our emotion so frequently.
This week I wanted to go shopping for you, like I used to do. The Birthday Mom gift. You deserved it more than me, after all. I still will probably never understand why the child gets the gifts and showering, when in fact it is the Mother that gives all, emotionally physically and otherwise. The parent should be pampered on the Child’s birthday- it only makes sense. You used to say I was crazy, maybe I am. Or maybe I just knew all along how lucky I was to have a Mother like you.
I feel a void where your smile used to be, and it scares me. I don’t want to forget any of the details, I don’t want you to slowly slip away from me. I wish I’d had more physical evidence of you’re existence. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel that I’m lacking anything, I just want the memory of you to forever be freshly painted and I feel that photos or videos would assist with that.
This is what I remember today, right now. I remember your smile, and your witty sarcastic approach that always made me feel better. I remember your love for the ocean, sunsets, and all things naturally magnificent. How much you absolutely loved driving over the road, and how everything in your life always became one big adventure. I remember how selfless you were for Jessica, Steven and I, all of the things you sacrificed to give us the best life you could. I remember your strength and perseverance, your love and affection. I remember the closest to perfection a Mother could ever be.
So today, when I say there is no love like a Mother’s, I know that the truth in that statement is concrete. Nobody will ever in a lifetime love me the way that you did, accept me so completely and wholly. I love you Mom, and as said I’m glad we vocalized our emotion so frequently because I’d hate to have to question anything when looking back.
Happy [my] birthday to you Momma. I wish you were here to see the changes that I’m determined to make, the better me that I’m striving to become. I wish you were here to hug me today.
I love you [the ultimate mostest].
XoXoX
