February 2012
1 post
dying to live without you again.
What are relationships, really? Is the compromise always one sided; is one person always required to find a mute key for their emotion, to suffocate their feeling to sacrifice for the other? I feel that every single “relationship” I’ve ever been involved in was somehow unequal: more give vs. receive, or vise versa. How can it truly be healthy to put yourself in a situation in...
December 2011
1 post
emotion expelled.
Sitting, mind wanders, ponders. The first and last time I’ve felt like this, & this will surely be for-never. Strange how you crept in unnoticed through a lobby full of people, stranger still how you’ve somehow managed to obtain what was never yours to begin with. I’m expelling emotion in unfamiliar verbal strings, reciprocation must follow. Broken, still waiting to...
November 2011
2 posts
hypothetically of course.
There was a girl I once knew- I admired her so. She knew exactly where she wanted to be and exactly how to get there. She was opinionated, outspoken and at times down-right inappropriate. Quirky and loud, sassy and eccentric. She was feared in a strangely admirable way by both men and women like. Always walked with her head held high, chest forward- if she feared anything in life, it was not...
July 2011
3 posts
lost in myself.
It’s almost as if I woke up one day and photography just didn’t make sense to me anymore. This passion of mine- It still powers the beat of my heart. But I lost the ability to make magic… or maybe I just never had it.
I’ve now begun a journey that I hope will lead to understanding. Without knowledge of the art, I am unsure that I will ever become the photographer...
May 2011
4 posts
let it be.
this is something you shouldn’t need to fight for. not something to be upset for, to lose sleep for. but you’re here.
i truly believe that there is a certain point in any relationship, friendship or otherwise, in which it becomes ok to FIGHT. ok to stand up for the other person involved.
that point is not the beginning or intermediate stages.
when you initially become aware that...
[untitled].
We want things to go well so badly that we hold our breath and back ourselves into corners. We bite our tongues, so careful not to let one thought escape into the land of the seemingly unforsaken.
What are we waiting for? What are we so afraid of?!! To hold one’s thought is to not clearly express oneself, it’s like only bringing part of you to the table.
I’m not doing that...
& Today.
I will do nothing but reblog, because my brain refuses to allow the “feel” to escape. Silliness. Enjoy the photos.
April 2011
1 post
Colbie Caillat- Turn Your Lights Down Low <3...
March 2011
2 posts
roller-coaster in the middle of the sea.
I cared for you more immensely than I cared for I, for one moment in time. Swooning, tangled, intensely and dangerously entwined. Emotionally incapable I leapt, I jumped far and long to find no ground beneath me- no arms awaiting. Heart on my sleeve, oh so easy to read- experience and wisdom have now weathered this me. Heart on my sleeve, now bound under padded walls, chains, lock and key. ...
Bottomless emptiness.
& I will never forget exactly how I felt, clinging to her lifeless body for what seemed to be mere minutes. Amazing how you completely lose track of time, of reality, when your heart and very being is pried from your chest.
February 2011
1 post
My song.
You were my everything. My first real “hello”, my first heart-wrenching “good-bye”. My heart’s first true embrace, the very first love of my life.
I still miss you every single day. I still yearn to hear your voice, to see your compassionate smile. I want to answer the phone to you in the midst of all exciting happenings in your life saying “You won’t...
January 2011
5 posts
“I could have. What does this phrase mean? At any given moment in our lives,...”
– ‘By the river Piedra I sat down and wept’ by Paulo Coelho (via kari-shma)
December 2010
2 posts
“There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well....”
– Albert Ellis
“Given enough time, the creature revealed himself. The drunkard drank, the...”
– JH
November 2010
6 posts
“Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very...”
– Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
Unintentional [this you & i].
Inextricably intertwined, this you and I. I’m one step ahead, always a bit ahead. You jog to keep pace- you are grasping at the air that was once my entire being as I spring out of sight.
Spinning so fervently on this merri-go-round of lust, spinning so imperfectly. Inconsistent consistencies attract us like the back side of magnets, fitting so perfectly yet never able to unite,...
[in]security.
Every moment of every day life throws us curve balls, every day the opportunity to learn and grow is laid down at our feet. It is our decision which way to react, that is what makes us grown-ups in this seemingly too big for us world. My insecurities, like yours, have consumed me completely from time to time. Nobody knows that better than you do, my dear friend. You’ve been my listening...
October 2010
4 posts
profound me.
I don’t know much, however today it seems to be more than I’ve known in the past, tomorrow surely more than I’ve known today. I am suddenly more aware of reasons to be kind, and am attempting to sweep ignorance and unjust judgemental behavior into a closet of secrets to bury in my past. I hope to never recover the me that once was, the yester-me.
My flaws are persistent in my...
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known...”
– Elizabeth Kubler Ross
September 2010
1 post
Today more than ever...
26 years ago today, you traded your life for me. I wish I could remember every single moment I had with you, from the first time you held me. Unfortunately my little baby and toddler memory evades me, so all I have are my grown up memories. I wish I could remember every hug, every laugh, every tear shed.
Mom, I’m so entirely lucky to have had you. There are so so many people out there...
August 2010
3 posts
Funny how...
Words cut like daggers, deep and sharp. Round and round we go, back and forth, to and fro. I will get farther from you, from this. Emotionally incapable, today I find myself feeling yet words still cease to escape my mouth. Unlike you I am me, whole and complete to the world. Unlike you, I don’t hide all of the parts of me that are socially unacceptable. Naked and free for the world to...
Last email in my inbox from Momma
Just found this in my inbox, I guess I saved it. It is dated 2/12/2009. I really wish that it had been good news in the end =[ I miss her so much.
“Just an update:
So I went to Chemo yesterday and got in trouble for sitting in the sun- now my head is the same color as my face!! My left arm is swollen, I have lymphodema in it so they went looking for a reason.
It appears that I have a...
Personal Report :: [crazy accurate]
So, I’ve had this for over five years, and it seems every time I re-read it I’ve grown more and more into the person described here. Pretty crazy:: THIS IS THE PERSONAL REPORT- DON’T MIND THE BIG WORDS RI Sun 0 Lib 31 Pluto 0 Sco 50 Moon 5 Vir 30 N. Node 29 Tau 15 Mercury 16 Vir 43 Asc. 13 Vir 12...
July 2010
3 posts
Sun[set].
Today, today I am whole. I have become one complete entity over the course of this last year, and it is all attributed to you Momma. Growing, stretching to the max of my ability, you have given me the strength to push myself to my fullest potential. I have yet to come to exactly who I would like to be, have yet to even know who that woman is, but I’m closer than I’ve ever been...
unprovoked.
I wish I were as raw and emotionally driven to write when my heart is whole- That would be a positive thing.
I haven’t felt the urge to write in what feels like quite some time. It kind of scares me that I’m too complete- Completely too self dependent. Irrationality hasn’t driven me to sensitivity yet, that’s for sure.
I guess I’ll learn to show me sometime in...
June 2010
3 posts
Lack of Self Understanding.
I feel as though I haven’t grown at all in this year without you. I’ve struggled not to drown, emotionally, physically, and financially. I’ve become lost in myself, only to find myself more lost when seeking my way out of this maze. I’ve struggled to find reason in life, when I know that this is a question that will go forever unanswered. I wake up distraught,...
thinking of [you].
Today, today I am here without you. I see remnants of your being scattered among this place, scattered to and fro with no rhyme or reason. Due to my lack of ability to conform to vulnerability, I attempt to reason with the reality of your devoid presence. This road we’ve paved ends nowhere, and it ends extremely abruptly. Your inquiries have offended me, your brazeness pushed me farther...
May 2010
3 posts
Imogen Heap <3 New love.
the meaning of our being.
Through all of my trials and tribulations, through the many times I’ve fallen and reached for a hand to help me back up to find that only empty space awaited me, I often found myself wondering what the purpose was. As a human being, as one tiny piece that makes up this sea of millions and millions of pieces of the world, I was never able to grasp why we were here, why we endure the pain and...
Just to be; Easily.
Unspoken absolution, screaming to me. My life is blank canvases and empty tomorrows, blatant discontent hearts that hide in the hollow of the moon. Disfigured and mangled in the sea of unsurety- I’m drowning. No air, no easily passing moments. Struggling eternally, still drowning, can’t seem to find my place. I seem to fit nowhere, to mean nothing to all of the somebodys that...
April 2010
4 posts
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are...”
– Albert Ellis
Past Paralyzation.
Unspoken me, rebirthed. Angles of life make my eyes weary, my eyelids are pained from the history that’s fallen the length of my lashes. Acquired apathy screams into my face as I stumble off of the beaten path. I quickly wonder where am I going, for I cannot see what lies in front of my heart.
I miss missing you, I yearn for purpose. I am wholly unwhole, unscathed yet scattered. ...
February 2010
3 posts
Yep, current fave.